Feedback that lands badly, a remark taken as an attack, a silence read as disagreement. Most team tensions don't come from the topics themselves, but from the way people talk to and interpret each other.
Two very different approaches can help. The Toltec Agreements provide a simple code of conduct for communicating with integrity. Everything DiSC® offers a clear reading of behavioral styles, so you can adapt that communication to each person. Together, they form a very practical toolkit for managers.
The 4 Toltec Agreements, management edition
Popularized by Don Miguel Ruiz, the four Toltec Agreements are not a scientific tool. They are principles of conduct, easy to remember and surprisingly useful day to day.
- Be impeccable with your word. Say what you mean, clearly and without disparaging. For a manager, this means precise expectations and factual feedback.
- Don't take anything personally. An objection is usually about the idea, not the person. Taking that step back keeps disagreements from turning into conflicts.
- Don't make assumptions. Ask rather than interpret. It is the best protection against misunderstandings, especially when working remotely.
- Always do your best. Aim high without perfectionism, and accept that "your best" varies from day to day and from person to person.
Why combine them with DiSC
The Toltec Agreements say what to aim for: honest communication, without assuming bad intent. The DiSC model helps you see how to get there with each person, because we don't all have the same reflexes. It describes four styles:
- D (Dominance): tends to get straight to the point, focused on results and decisions;
- i (Influence): tends to favor enthusiasm, interaction and relationships;
- S (Steadiness): tends to seek cooperation, consistency and harmony;
- C (Conscientiousness): tends to favor accuracy, analysis and quality.
Nobody is locked into one style. These are natural tendencies, useful for understanding why the same sentence can be received so differently from one person to the next.
Each agreement applied to the DiSC styles
Impeccable words, adapted to the other person's style. Clear feedback doesn't take the same form for everyone. With someone who tends towards the D style, get to the point and talk about results. With the i style, acknowledge their contribution before discussing adjustments. With the S style, give context and allow time. With the C style, rely on precise facts.
Don't take it personally, especially with a style different from yours. A colleague with a D style may challenge an idea head-on. A colleague with a C style may ask ten detailed questions. Neither is targeting you: it is how they engage with the topic. DiSC makes that step back much easier.
Don't make assumptions about silence. A person with an S style who says nothing doesn't necessarily agree. A person with a C style who doesn't react may still be analyzing. Ask directly: "From your point of view, what could get in the way?"
Do your best, according to your strengths. For someone with an i style, "their best" shows in the energy they bring to the team. For someone with a C style, in the reliability of their work. Recognizing these different forms of contribution strengthens everyone's commitment.
An example in a leadership team meeting
During a leadership meeting, a director who tends towards the D style bluntly rejects a proposal from the HR director. Her first reaction could be to feel undermined and shut down. Applying the second agreement, she chooses to treat the objection as an argument about substance. She reframes her proposal around expected results, the language that speaks to the D style. The discussion stays on topic, and the decision moves forward.
Putting this approach into practice in your team
- Agree on communication rules together, inspired by the four agreements, and display them for important meetings.
- Help the team discover their DiSC styles, so everyone understands their own reflexes and those of others.
- Practice on real situations: difficult feedback, a disagreement, a tense meeting.
- Hold regular debriefs: what worked well in our exchanges, and what should we adjust?
To go further, discover the DiSC tool and how it applies to management and team communication, or read our guide to team cohesion.
Frequently asked questions
Do the Toltec Agreements belong in the workplace?
Yes, as long as they are presented for what they are: simple communication principles, not a scientific method. Their strength lies in their clarity.
Do you need a DiSC profile to apply these ideas?
No, but an Everything DiSC® profile makes the approach much more precise. Everyone discovers their own tendencies and learns to read those of others.
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